Bond Time
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Monogram feels that he doesn't spend enough time with Perry, so he invites him to take a trip with him so they can bond more. Unfortunately, the whole trip results in chaos. And water. And fire.
1. Chapter 1

"So we have three different kinds of toothpastes to choose from." Sideblow said, holding up three tubes. "Merry Mint, Happy Honeydew, or Cheery Cherry?"

Perry stared at him.

"Yeah. I have no idea who names these things either." Sideblow admitted. He held out a red tube. "A lot of the animals seem to prefer Cheery Cherry."

Perry shrugged.

From across the room, Gustav, Sideblow's assistant, sniffed with displeasure.

Sideblow looked at the back. "Brush with a smile using Cheery Cherry toothpaste!"

Perry snorted.

"Huh." Sideblow squirted a little of the tube's contents onto a toothbrush. "Open up. Or, as the tube says, 'give a big, toothy smile!' I've been a groomer for seven years, and I still don't understand toothpaste companies…"

Perry opened his mouth, and Sideblow started brushing his teeth.

"We haven't seen you in a while." Sideblow commented. "You've gotten bigger. Don't you think he's gotten bigger, Gustav?"

Gustav rolled his eyes. "He looks like he did before we worked our miracle."

"All animals go back to normal after a couple of weeks." Sideblow reminded him.

"All the brushing, all the exfoliation, trimming, beautifying… it's gone. Like, poof." Gustav said. "All that work down the drain."

"Pumpkin got to be beautiful for a few days, and now he's back to his ordinary, cute self. That's what we work for." Sideblow said. "We clean an animal up to help them out, and then they get back to their comfort zone."

Gustav sighed dramatically.

Monogram opened the door to the room. "Samuel? May I have a word with you?"

Sideblow nodded. "In a moment. I just need to finish with Pumpkin here."  
"There's been another outbreak of fleas." Monogram said.

"Aaaiiiyy." Sideblow groaned. "Okay, keep the infested animals away from the healthy ones. I think I have enough flea combs… how many have got the bugs?"

"Seventeen."

Sideblow winced. "All right. Bring them to Colette and tell her I'll be there to help in a moment. Gustav, will you-"

"Work with Colette?" Gustav snapped. "I think not."

"I was going to ask if you could open the cases of flea shampoo we have in storage." Sideblow said.

Monogram smiled at Perry. "Hello, Agent P."

Perry saluted him.

* * *

"My farm is better than yours." Phineas said.

"No, it isn't."  
Phineas and Ferb were sitting at their computers when Perry got home. Perry peeked over Ferb's shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?"

"We're playing Delicious Farm." Phineas said. "You farm food, and then you put it into your restaurant. My farm is called Phineas Acres."

"And mine is called All-Pork Farm." Ferb said. "I only cook pork dishes."

"I didn't think it was actually going to work out for him." Phineas said.

"But it did. I have ham, bacon, and pork milkshakes, and I serve bacon cookies." Ferb said. "And instead of butter, I have bacon grease."

"That's disgusting." Perry said.

"What do your customers drink?" Phineas asked.

"The pork milkshakes." Ferb said.

"No water?"

"I didn't have enough money for a pond. I spent it all on the pork."

"My farm is a higher rank than yours." Phineas said.

"Well, when my customers taste my ham pancakes, we'll see who's on top!" Ferb retorted.

"That's just disturbing." Perry said. "How did you guys get hooked on this?"

"Buford showed it to us." Phineas said. "His farm is ranked two hundred and seventy, and he has thirteen cows and twenty different crops! I have to beat him."

"I can't imagine how anyone would be able to play that for hours at a time." Perry said.

* * *

"Don't tell me you're playing that farm game too." Perry said to Devon the dog.

"Yep!" Agent D said. "I've been playing it for hours. Monogram was nice enough to let me use his laptop. Mine vanished this morning."

Clara the chicken peeked at the screen. "Nice farm- YOU HAVE A CHICKEN?"

"Well, I have to get extra points, and the only way I can do that is by making fried…"  
Clara folded her wings.

"Oh, fine." Devon grumbled. "I'll delete the chicken."

"You have a duck?!" Darren the duck asked.

"I'll delete the duck." Devon said.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Paul the pig said, coming up behind them.

"I know, I know, the pig." Devon growled. "I'll take it out of my farm."

"Not the pig! That tomato is rotten! Haven't you been harvesting your crops?" Paul demanded.

"All right." Monogram appeared out of nowhere and closed the lid of the laptop. "Agent D, you've been staring at that screen for far too long. Go and get some exercise."

Devon stared at him.

"Run around, play with the other agents, I don't care. There's more to life than online gaming, you know."

Devon hesitated. Then he padded away.

Monogram opened up his laptop and began typing frantically. "I hope my crops grow faster! That one guy, bufordrox66, is still seventy-five ranks ahead of me!"

"There's more to life than online gaming, dear agents." Perry mimicked.

* * *

When Perry came into his lair the next morning, Monogram was already on the screen. Perry sat down in his chair and waited for Monogram to notice him.

"I don't know, Carl. I just feel like he's grown very distant from me."

"You see him every day, sir."

"Yeah. But I give him his orders, he salutes, and then he runs off. I really wish we had more of a bond. I mean, I rescued him when he was a day old- poor little stray, wandering around all cold and hungry- and taught him how to read… and write, and fight… and I gave him medical help, and I placed him in his home-"

"Actually, I did that, sir." Carl interrupted. "Don't you remember? I'm the one who sold him to the Flynn-Fletchers."

"Quiet, Carl!" Monogram looked down. "Oh! Agent P! Uh… have you been sitting there the whole time?"

Perry thought a moment. It would be awkward if he nodded.

He wrote down "Nope, just came in" on a notepad and held it up to the screen.

Monogram breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Now… your mission… uh… Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been seen buying up all of the computers in the tri-state area. It's all very suspicious. I want you to find out what's going on, and put a stop to it."  
Perry saluted and dashed away.

* * *

When Perry arrived at Evil Incorporated, he was instantly trapped in a giant hamster ball.

"Ah, Perry the platypus. You're back. Your little friend Sergei the snail was here so many times, I actually stopped building platypus traps." Doofenshmirtz said. "So… you're trap's not actually related to my scheme today, it's from a scheme that you missed. I just didn't expect you, so I made a snail-sized trap that was relate- you know, I'm not going to waste all my time explaining traps. Let's get to my scheme. A few days ago, I got totally into this online game called Delicious Farm. I was just about to get an award for the best decorated farm, but THEN… this guy with the username Squishaliciousworms totally stole the award from me!"

Perry allowed himself a quick, private smile.

"I visited his farm, and he had a neon green barn and an individual high-definition television for each milk cow! I mean, how was I supposed to compete? So, I built this!" Doofenshmirtz yanked on a rope, and a curtain in the back of the room parted, revealing a strange contraption. "The My-Farm's-Better-Than-Yoursinator! All I had to do was buy a ton of computers, and when I plug them in to my inator, all of the farms on the internet will combine with mine, and I will have the BEST VIRTUAL FARM IN THE TRI-STATE AREA! Actually, the best virtual farm on the entire internet. The only drawback is that… well, the world could possibly explode from the power this inator takes. But that's a small price to pay for winning Delicious Farm."

Perry pushed on the hamster ball with his hands, trying to figure out how to roll. Harriet the hamster had a ball before, but Perry didn't really remember how she started it up. All he remembered was that she rolled around the agency, crashing into walls every two seconds.

Finally, he was able to figure the ball out. He rolled toward Doofenshmirtz.

"And now! I shall begin the tedious process of plugging in every single computer I bought, stole or 'borrowed' this morning." Doofenshmirtz picked up a plug.

Perry crashed into him. Doofenshmirtz tumbled back and crashed into his inator. It blasted at a random location before exploding.

"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"

* * *

Perry came in through the kitchen petflap. He planned to take a nap.

"Perry!" Phineas said excitedly. "A green light shot through the window, and my farm became like, a million times bigger! My farm is ranked number one in the WORLD!"

"They don't appreciate the genius of my pork lemonade." Ferb mumbled.

"Oh yeah!" Phineas started dancing. "Uh huh! Beat that!"

"Honestly." Ferb shook his head. "He gained five hundred extra milk cows, and seven of them have their own high-def television. How did that happen?"

Perry shrugged. "The world does mysterious things."

"My farm rocks!" Phineas said happily. "I am number one!"


	2. Chapter 2

Monogram came up to Perry in the hallway of the agency.

"Hello, Agent P. It's funny we happened to run into each other."

Perry looked around.

"Yes, I'm talking to you." Monogram said. "I've been thinking."

"What else is new?" Perry chattered.

"We haven't gotten a lot of chances to spend time with each other. How about this weekend we go somewhere? Just you and me, so we can bond a little."

Perry blinked.

"Come on, Agent P. We haven't spent time together since you were a baby."

Perry pointed at his lair.

"Me giving you missions doesn't count. It'll be fun. I'll see you on Saturday." Monogram walked around Perry and continued on his way.

* * *

"I bet you haven't been back here since that time I took you on vacation." Monogram said cheerfully.

Perry shrugged. He'd actually been to Disney a couple of times since the big agency vacation.

"So, what should we ride first?" Monogram asked.

Perry shrugged again.

"How about the Haunted Mansion?"

Perry rapidly shook his head.

"Okay then. Well, give me some suggestions here. I don't know what your preferences are."

Perry pointed at a ride called 'Ride The Riverest Rapids'. He liked water rides. He wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the fact that he was a semi-aquatic mammal or not.

"Okay." Monogram said. "Sounds fun."

* * *

They got into their river raft. The only other people on the raft were two foreign tourists, obviously a couple, who were happily taking pictures of trees and flowers.

"You know…" Monogram said as the raft started to move. "I just realized I don't actually want to get wet. Is there a certain seat that stays dry?"

Perry pulled out his phone and wrote an electronic note on it, then handed it to Monogram. 'No, it's completely random. We are at the mercy of the water.'

Monogram switched seats anyway. "Hello." He said to the tourists.

The tourists smiled. "Hi."

"Your first visit?"

The man nodded. "Yes. We are going to have many good pictures for our photo album."

The raft slid down an incline, and a few drops of water splashed Perry and the tourists. Monogram got a little bit on his shoe.

The raft spun around a bit more. The male tourist took a picture of a bush.

Then the raft went toward a big drop.

The raft went down and splashed. A huge wave came up behind Monogram's head and completely doused him.

Every other seat was dry.

Perry snorted in a fit of laughter. The tourists began snapping pictures of Monogram.

"There's a good picture for the photo album." Perry said. He wished he'd managed to get the giant wave on film. "I'm glad he changed seats!"

When the ride ended, the tourists got off first, still laughing. Monogram and Perry got off second.

Monogram's shoes squelched with each step. He squeezed water out of his shirt.

They went on the path to the exit. The path was next to the line to get into the ride. A boy and his family were walking in the line.

"Woah!" Said the little boy, pointing at Monogram as they passed him.

Monogram sighed.

* * *

"Isn't this a cool restaurant?" Monogram said. "You cook your own pancakes right at your table!"

After ten hours, Monogram was still a little damp from the rapids ride. People had pointed and stared at him all day when they were at Disney.

And now, here they were, eating dinner at a pancake place.

Perry looked at the griddle in the middle of their table. He poked it cautiously with his fork.

"That's where we'll cook the pancakes." Monogram said. "And we'll need to choose what we want in them. Blueberries, bananas, strawberries, or chocolate chips?"

Perry spread his arms out.

"All of them? Okay, I guess. But you're paying for half the bill."

The waitress brought them two mugs of coffee. "Goodness, sir, did you go swimming in your clothes?"

Perry smiled. Monogram groaned.

"I'll bring the batter along pretty soon." The waitress said. "Any idea what you all would like in your pancakes?"

Monogram ordered, and the waitress left. Monogram turned on the griddle and stood up. "I'll be right back. I need to go to the bathroom. We'll let the griddle heat up so it'll be ready."

The waitress brought over the batter, chocolate and fruit and departed again. Perry sat and stared at the food.

He placed a chocolate chip on the griddle and watched it melt. He wondered what would happen to a banana slice.

He put a banana slice on the griddle. It began to shrivel after a while.

Delighted, Perry put a strawberry on the griddle.

Monogram came back after about ten minutes and sat down across from Perry. He smiled at him.

Perry smiled back.

Monogram looked down at the griddle. "Why are there tiny fruit-shaped brown lumps all over the griddle?"

Perry innocently sipped his coffee and pretended not to hear him.

Monogram poured some pancake batter onto the griddle. "Now we just have to wait until it cooks." He said.

Perry nodded.

They waited.

"Pancakes aren't a very fast food, are they?" Perry observed.

"Maybe the griddle's on low." Monogram looked for the griddle controls.

Perry suspected that perhaps the heat wasn't able to get to the pancake through the fruit lumps, but he decided he'd keep quiet about those.

A skinny waiter bumped into Perry's chair, and Perry spilled his coffee onto the griddle. The griddle caught fire.

"Pancake's probably ready to flip now." Perry said.

The customers began screaming and running around.

"Please don't panic!" Said the restaurant owner, standing on a chair. "Please file calmly and quietly to the nearest-"

His chair was tipped over as twenty people ran into him, clawing for the exit.

"There is a table free. Stevens, party of twenty-seven, you may now be seated." Announced a waitress.

The fire began crawling up the wall. Perry tried to put it out with his water glass.

When that failed, he ran for his life.

"Run!" Monogram yelled, following the other customers outside. Perry was inches behind him. "RUN IN MASS CHAOS TO THE EXIT! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

The entire restaurant collapsed.

All of the customers and employees stared at the rubble.

"Whoops." Said the skinny waiter. "My bad."

* * *

"Please let me know if you need anything." The bellhop said, placing Monogram and Perry's luggage in the closet.

"We will." Monogram said. "Thank you." He handed the bellhop a few dollars and shooed him out of the hotel room. "Well, that was an exciting evening, wasn't it?"

Perry unpacked his toiletries and laid them on the bathroom counter. He stared at the wall in front of the sink. "You know, they need to put a mirror here."

"I'm still wet!" Monogram said, touching his shirt. "After all this time, I'm still wet."

Perry went into the room with the toilet and bathtub. "Oh sure, they put a mirror in front of the TOILET, but not the sink. Why would anyone want to look at themselves when they're-"

"I hope I remembered to pack my toothbrush." Monogram said, digging through his bag.

Perry stood on the edge of the open toilet. He could kind of see himself in the mirror, if he stood high enough. He climbed back down and went to get his razor.

"Even though we had a couple of incidents, we're still bonding, aren't we?" Monogram said. "I feel like I know you so much better now."

Perry plugged in his razor and stood back up on the toilet. "And they put a PLUG next to the toilet, too. Convenient for me since the mirror is here, and I seriously doubt I can shave without a mirror, but honestly. What if the toilet flooded or something?"

"I had a good time today, too." Monogram said, misinterpreting Perry's chatters as usual. He came over to Perry and patted him on the back. "It's nice to be able to spend some time with the agents."

Perry finished one side of his face and started on the other.

"I spent a day with Peter the panda once." Monogram said. "We went to Lake Land. It's a theme park devoted to water creatures. Peter was mesmerized by the sea lions. I don't know why. For the first few minutes, it was fun watching them swim around. But after about two hours, I started to get bored. But that's all Peter wanted to do, watch the sea lions."

Monogram turned to leave the room, knocking Perry backwards into the toilet. The water splashed onto the razor, which started emitting sparks and making even louder buzzing noises than usual.

"Great googly-moogly!" Monogram cried. "I'm so sorry, Agent P!"

"See?" Perry hacked, surfacing from the water. "THAT is why you don't put a plug near a toilet."

He tried to pull himself out, but couldn't.

"Oh no." Monogram grabbed Perry's arms and tried to tug him out.

Perry gave a hiss. "You're hurting me!"

Monogram let go and pulled out his phone. He dialed a number. "Hello? Yes, I'm a guest staying at your hotel… we have a situation… well, my platypus is stuck in the toilet…"

Monogram was silent for a moment. Then he shouted, "Stop laughing! I'm serious!"

Perry groaned.

* * *

"Yeah, he's really in there." The plumber said.

"How do we get him out?" Monogram asked.

"Now, we just gotta… give a little pull…" The plumber tried to pull Perry out, but failed. "Or we gotta wait until he loses some pounds."

Perry glared at the plumber.

"Yeah. Uh… I think we gotta call the fire department." The plumber said. "Maybe they can cut the toilet out or somethin'."

"Don't hurt him." Monogram said.

"I ain't gonna hurt him." The plumber said. "And if I had to, what's more painful and humiliating than gettin' yourself stuck in a toilet?"

Perry hid his face.

Monogram sighed. He pulled out his phone again and called the fire department.

A fireman came over in only a few minutes. "Goodness, that's a fire hazard." He said.

"A platypus stuck in a toilet?" Monogram asked.

"No, what idiot would put a plug NEXT to a toilet?" The fireman asked. He examined Perry for a few minutes and then concluded, "Yeah. We might have to break the toilet to get him out of there."

"Only problem is, that toilet's connected to the water system for the whole hotel." The plumber said. "You yank out the toilet, water goes SPLOOSH!"

"Better than just leaving him in there." The fireman said. He started working on the toilet.

Perry rested his head on the toilet seat and gave a whine.

"Don't worry, Agent P." Monogram patted him on the head. "I promise you, we'll get you out of there."

Monogram patted his jeans. "Hey… I'm dry! I'm finally-"

The fireman hammered the base of the toilet, and it cracked in half. Water sprayed everywhere.

Perry landed on the floor, finally free. He shook himself off.

Monogram sighed. "I guess I spoke too soon."

"See? I warned ya about that there water pipe." The plumber said. "You know, that there water mess is kinda pretty."

"Yes." Said the fireman. "Yes it is."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm sorry about all that, Agent P." Monogram said. "You're almost dry."

Perry didn't respond. He was tired, and he was cranky from the whole toilet experience.

Monogram finished rubbing him with the towel and put it aside. "There you go. You might want to brush out your fur, though."

Perry rubbed his eyes and started toward the bed.

Monogram started to chuckle. "You know… ha… now that it's over, it's actually kind of funny! Ha ha ha!"

Perry whirled around and glared at him.

"Don't you think, Agent P? Isn't it kind of funny- oh."

Perry stormed over to the bed and got under the covers.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Perry turned away from him and pulled the covers closer to his face.

"Don't go to bed mad."

Perry snorted angrily and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Monogram said again.

"Well there, Bobby Jane, is that who I think that is?"

"Yes it is, Johnny Sue."

Perry opened one eye and sat up. It took a second for him to remember he was sitting in a poolside chair.

He had swum happily for an hour, and then he had curled up on the poolside chair to allow the sun to dry him off. It had been so nice and warm, he must have dozed off.

Now he faced two beavers, standing in front of his chair. He looked toward the hotel pool. Monogram was still swimming.

"Yessir, Bobby Jane, that there is that platypus we saved back in Danville Wood."

"We darn saved his life if ever a life needed savin', didn't we, Johnny Sue?"

"We darn did indeed, Bobby Jane. We darn did indeed."

"Well, gosheroo, Johnny Sue."

Perry sighed. "Hey, guys. What are you doing here?"

"We were just takin' a here there walk." Said Johnny Sue. "And that was then when I saw you sittin' here like a cat sleepin' like there's not a dang tomorrow, and I said, 'Well there, Bobby Jane, is that who I think it is?' and Bobby Jane there told me with a gleam in his dark black eyes, as if there were some mem'ry he was tryin' to git at, 'Yes it is, Johnny Sue.' And right when he said just that, you waked up, and I thought to myself, 'Now then, Johnny Sue, that there's the platypus you rescued-'"

"Yeah, I think I can figure out the rest." Perry said. "Uh… thanks for saving my life… back in the wood."  
"It wasn't a dang problem, little platypus. We cousin animals gotta keep each other safe as a man in his house during a wild tornado."

"Johnny Sue, that there metaphor ain't gonna work. Cuz you see, the tornado's gonna just pick up the man's house and fly away like there ain't no dang tomorrow."

"Not if that there man lives down in the town. Down in the town there ain't no tornadoes."

"But you jest said-"

"I said during a tornado, Bobby Jane. I didn't say where the tornado was at."

"Touché, Johnny Sue. Touché."

Perry stared at the two of them for a moment. Then he put on his sunglasses and lay back down on the chair.

"Shh, Johnny Sue. He's gonna take a nap."  
"Well there, Bobby Jane. You reckon it's gonna be one of them there long naps?"

"Gee, well, I reckon so, Johnny Sue, but why not ask him?"

"Because he's takin' a nap, Bobby Jane."

"Guys. Thank you again for saving my life. Now please be cowboy beavers somewhere else." Perry said.

"Guess we better git movin' on, Bobby Jane."

"I reckon so, Johnny Sue. Goodbye, little cousin. Stay away from them there hangin' ropes."

"An if you ever need us, all ya gotta do is call, like this." Johnny Sue said. "BOBBY JAAANNE! JOHNNY SUUEEE!"

"And we'll come a'runnin' faster than a teenage girl gettin' to the mall to a sale on shoes." Bobby Jane said.

"Okay. I will."

The beavers left, much to Perry's relief. He was kind of sick of their metaphors.

He had almost drifted off to sleep again when Monogram called him. "Agent P, look who's here!"

Perry looked. All he saw was Henrietta the hippo, a fellow agent, standing by the pool, looking stupidly into the water.

"Yeah. Hi, Henrietta." Perry gave a little wave.

"Agent H, what brings you here?" Monogram asked.

Henrietta gave a meaningless hippo moan. She ambled over to the diving board and placed a humongous paw on it.

Perry closed his eyes again.

After a few minutes he heard a few creaks, and then Monogram shouted, "NO, HENRIETTA! NO! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T-"

SPLASH!

A giant wave of water caved over Perry's head. He was instantly thrown off of the pool chair and swept up in the water.

He washed up on the concrete next to the pool. The pool had a considerably lower water level, and the diving board was still vibrating from Henrietta's big jump.

"Aw man." Said a few little kids who had been swimming.

Henrietta gave a hippo moan of pleasure.

* * *

On the drive home, Carl had unexpectedly called Monogram about Parker the polar bear. Apparently Parker didn't remember how to get back to the agency, so Monogram had to pick him up.

Perry sat in the front seat with a blanket around himself, shivering uncontrollably. Parker sat happily in the backseat.

"Sorry about the air conditoning." Monogram said. "But Parker will overheat if it's any warmer in here."

Perry curled himself up, trying to conserve body heat.

"Look on the bright side." Monogram said. "This will help train your body for extreme temperatures."

"Easy for you to say." Perry grumbled. "You're the one wearing that warm winter coat."

"Don't you have a coat?" Parker asked.

"Not at the moment, no. I left it back in my lair."

"It's warm in here." Parker said.

"If you think THIS is warm, how did you survive out THERE?"

Parker shrugged. "My fedora's equipped with an ice cold water dispenser that I can use to douse my fur."

"I'm f-f-f-f-freezing." Perry pulled the blanket tighter around himself. "I'll probably die of hypothermia."

"You didn't last time." Parker said.

"Last time?"

"Remember when we had that blizzard three years ago? You were lost in the snow and caught hypothermia."

"I don't remember."

"Maybe you were really out of it. Anyway, Harry the husky found you when he was digging a hole in the snow. It really freaked him out, and after he finished screaming in terror, he brought you to Monogram. And you survived."

"I kind of remember Harry screaming." Perry squinted, trying to remember. "It's all very fuzzy. Wasn't he yelling 'The end is near' or something?"

"Yeah, that's what he claims."  
"Wow. He must have thought he dug up my grave or something."

"No." Parker said. "Harry never finds anything when he digs. It's sad, really. He'll bury a bone and two seconds later he can dig in the same spot and never find it. So when he dug you up, he just figured the world was coming to an end."

"Huh. Well, thanks. I would have never remembered that."

"Welcome."

"And if I ever WAS to die of hypothermia, it would probably happen while in this car."

* * *

"Come here, Perry." Phineas said, looking into a clear bowl. "We have a new goldfish."

Perry padded over to Phineas and looked in the bowl. He was glad to be home again. He'd missed the boys.

"Her name is Bubbles." Ferb said.

"No, it's Blubbles." Phineas said. "Because she makes 'blub' noises."

"You call her what you want." Ferb said. "I'm calling her Bubbles."

"Hey, Blubbles." Phineas said. "I wish you could have met our fish Goldie. But she ran away with dolphins to go live in the ocean."

"How many goldfish did you HAVE?" Perry asked.

"Well, when I was two, Candace had a goldfish named Ted. And after Ted died, mom's husband flushed him down the toilet. I wanted to give him a real funeral, not a mean one, so I also flushed a bouquet of flowers down the toilet so they would get to Ted. But the toilet overflowed instead. And after Ted we got Bucky the dog. Then we got another goldfish named Tony and he died in two days. And then Bucky got sick and went to live on Old Man Simmon's farm and we got you. And then we got Goldie and she ran away. And now we have Blubbles!"

"You guys have really bad luck with fish." Perry said.

Phineas tapped on the glass. "Isn't Blubbles cute?"

"Cuter than me?" Perry asked, trying to make his eyes as large and pitiful as possible.

"Don't get jealous of the fish." Phineas said.

Perry looked back at Blubbles. She was floating around peacefully in her bowl. It calmed him to watch her.

"Don't worry, Blubbles." Phineas said fondly. "No one will flush you down the toilet. Everyone's nice here."

"However, a few Carlos the Caring Clown dolls may get flushed down the toilet." Perry said.


	4. Chapter 4

Perry sat down in his chair and waited for Monogram to appear on the screen.

He waited.

And waited.

Perry chattered loudly.

Finally Carl appeared. "Hey, Agent P! The Major's not in today. He's still recovering from your vacation. But he said to tell you..." Carl started rummaging through papers. "Oh, yes. He said to tell you he was really sorry that he made you go on such a terrible vacation and that he won't do it again. Anyway, I guess you get the day off. Have fun!"

Perry looked at the ground. Why was he feeling so sad?

As soon as Carl left, Perry got out his laptop. He opened up his email.

_**Recipient: Monogram, Francis (francismmonogram **_**)**

_**Subject: Bonding Vacation/Trip Thing/Whatever that was**_

_**Content: **_

_Dear Major Monogram,_

_I don't want you to feel bad about taking me on that... trip thing. Even though the pancakes exploded, I still had fun burning fruit on the griddle. And I had fun watching you get introduced to a giant wave at Disney. I did not, however, have fun getting stuck in the toilet. That I will hold against you until the end of time. And whoever stuck that plug next to the toilet._

_...In all seriousness, though, I really appreciate the gesture. I know you really wanted to do something nice for me and spend time with me, and that means a lot, no matter how the trip ended up going. So, thank you, Major. You really made me feel happy._

_Agent P_

Perry sent his email and closed his laptop. He felt significantly better now.

* * *

"YES! My farm gained eight hundred bonus points while I was away!" Phineas said.

"No fair!" Ferb whined.

"Hey, Perry." Phineas said as Perry came into the room.

"My litterbox is dirty again." Perry informed him. "How's your farm doing?"

"I finally collected all the milk my cow could give. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do with the cow, but it magically disappeared."

"Spontaneously combusted." Ferb said.

"No, it just vanished."

"It combusted. I say it combusted."

"Cool. Can you clean my box?" Perry asked.

"I don't want to." Phineas said. "Why can't you just do it?"

"Pleeeaaaseee?"

"Ask Ferb."

Ferb shook his head.

"Animal neglect!" Perry said.

"I'm level nine-hundred!" Phineas said.

"My litterbox is too dirty for me to use." Perry said. "In case I forgot to mention."

"How many cows do you have?" Ferb peered over Phineas's shoulder.

"Two hundred and eight." Phineas said.

"Guess I'll have to go somewhere else." Perry sighed. "And your mom JUST vacuumed the carpet in your bedroom…"

"I'LL CLEAN IT!" Phineas shouted. He ran out of the room, Ferb close at his heels.

Perry smiled and jumped into the computer chair to take a nap.

* * *

_**Email From: Monogram, Francis (francismmonogram **_**)**

_**Subject: Re: Bonding Vacation/Trip Thing/Whatever that was**_

_**Content: **_

_I am glad you enjoyed it, Agent P. Would you mind bringing me some Mochalicious Coffee tomorrow? I'll be unable to get to the store today._

Perry smiled. Monogram obviously liked his email. He could tell.

He shut his laptop and went downstairs to play with the boys. He was only able to find Phineas in the living room.

"Where's Ferb?" Perry asked. He sat down on the couch next to Phineas.

"He's sleeping over at Baljeet's." Phineas said.

"You didn't go with him?"

"Nope." Phineas said.

"Why not?"

"He hasn't been talking to me. I think he's mad at me."

"Phineas, Ferb doesn't talk to ANYONE."

"Usually he says at least two things a day. He hasn't responded when I ask him questions. And he's all moody now."

"Moody how?"

"He looks sad all the time. Yesterday at school he wouldn't sit with me at lunch. Isabella asked him why and he just said it was because he didn't like being around a lot of people. There were only like six people at that table. And four of them were people he's friends with! I didn't buy it."

"Aww. Something must be eating him."

"He's probably mad because I beat him at Delicious Farm." Phineas said. "It's just a game. Why is he ignoring me over a game?"

"Maybe he's not. Maybe it's something else. Ferb doesn't get angry because of games. Besides, I went on Delicious Farm last night, and he's already seventy points ahead of you."

"WHAT?" Phineas ran to the computer. "GOTTA GET MORE FARM POINTS!"

Perry stretched out on the sofa. "Good luck with that. Squishaliciousworms is two-hundred ahead of both of you."


End file.
